with your own penis?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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