Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize