New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
