I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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