Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
