If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
