Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
