Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
