I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
