I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
