she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
