Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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