dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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