she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
