Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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