im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
