That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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