Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
