At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
