saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
