i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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