i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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