Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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