marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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