Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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