cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
