i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
