Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
