don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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