why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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