I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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