She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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