Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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