girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
