Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
