i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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