this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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