ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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