I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
