what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
