I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish there were birth control emojis
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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