Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so let's talk penis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
