We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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