mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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