dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
