remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
