when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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