Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
