There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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