Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
