The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
