Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
