I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
