ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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