I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Enjoy the penises
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
