if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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