I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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