i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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