WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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