I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
