i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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