They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
