The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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