what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
